With a fear reserved for dragons
by Billini
Summary: Fenris relationship with Isabela brings Hawke to a sudden realization... an forces her to react quickly and in her own unique way...


"That night... I can't stop thinking about it..."

Hawke froze when she heard Isabela say the words to Fenris while they were wandering along the Wounded Coast. Not again...

"Well, than I'll see you later", the elf answered.

"That was direct."

Gulping, Hawke tried unsuccessfully not to listen to the conversation anymore.

"Thought I get straight to the point", Fenris answered with an amused undertone in his deep, raspy voice. "Were you expecting flowers or something?"

Isabela chuckled. "Don't be absurd."

"Than I'll see you tonight."

Hawke pressed her lips together and tried to ignore the pictures appearing in her head. Fenris and Isabela together, in one room, making love... Maker, how could that have even happened...?

Well, actually it wasn't so surprising. Isabela had tried to get the elf into her bed for years and finally succeeded. Hawke shouldn't be angry about it because it only showed that Fenris had finally moved on. Still she was... irritated. And couldn't even say why.

Alright, that was a lie. She knew damn well why she was irritated: Because she was jealous. She had always been the one and only person in his life whom he had allowed close, but now he allowed Isabela to get even closer. And even though Hawke had never thought about Fenris and herself in such a way - alright, that was another lie - she did not like the idea.

Not at all.

Meeting a bunch of slavers was just the distraction she needed. Fighting forceful- and angrily, she used her broadsword to let go off all her anger and build-up frustration. When the last man went to ground, Fenris stepped to her, raising an eyebrow, and asked: "Are you alright? You seem to be distracted..."

"Do I carry any wounds?" she answered grumpily and cleaned her sword blade.

"No..."

"Well than: Why do you even care?"

He was clearly taken aback by her behaviour and she bit on her lower lip. Shrugging, she added: "Seems that I just have a bad day."

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice sounded calm and soft when he asked the question, a question he would never ever have asked only a few years ago. But things had changed between them: She knew that he saw a friend in her now, a friend he could trust completely.

What a shame that she had just come to realize that she wanted to be so much more for him.

Shaking her head, Hawke turned her back to him and returned with him and the others to Kirkwall. The evening she spent alone in her mansion in Hightown, not willing to go to the Hanged Man and witness Fenris and Isabela leave together - or not come at all. Instead, she lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling, stroking Bones big head which was laying on her stomach. The Mabari was half asleep and snoring slightly.

He was her only companion in this bed since years. During her time with the mercenaries and some of the following months she had been in a kind of relationship with anouther mercenary, but eventually their lifes had gone into different directions and they had separated. She did not even know if he was in the city - or alive - anymore. Since this time, she was alone and hadn't ever really felt regret about it.

Until now.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and eventually fell into an uneasy sleep.

In the morning when she met Fenris for their regular daily training session in his mansion, she was tired and bad tempered. He realized it, but did not say anything, but gave her a good drilling instead. Sparring with him had always been fun and helped her to improve handling her broadsword so much, but today the fact that he was still better than her only made her angry.

"You are careless again!", he barked when he hit her hard with the flat side of his blade against the upper arm.

She flinched and charged again, only to find herself on the ground one second later.

His eyebrows were narrowed in annoyance. "Hawke!"

Getting up, she turned and grabbed her towel which was laying next to the training floor. "I think it is better to stop for today. I'll need to go to the market anyway."

He did not object and took his own towel, although he was barely sweating. Even this fact made her suddenly angry. Did he even ever sweat?

Well, probably when he was screwing Isabela...

Flinching about the ugly thought, she put her towel to the side and asked the question she had wanted to ask for weeks now. She NEEDED to know the answer. "This... thing between Isabela and you: Is it serious?"

He was silent for a long moment and she knew that she had to look at him eventually. Luckily he answered before. "Being with her is... special and important for me. But we both know that it is nothing serious. Just friends with benefits, if you want to put it that way."

The answer made her as angry as it made her relieved. "I see..."

"Why... do you ask?" The question sounded hesitating.

Meeting his eyes, she shrugged nonchalantly and answered: "You are my best friend, Fenris. And Isabela isn't exactely known for her long lasting relationships... neither are you known for having had a relationship at all since I know you. I just want to make sure that you are... alright."

His face betrayed nothing. "I am", he eventually answered.

She managed a smile, nodded at him and wished him goodbye. After leaving his mansion, she neither went home, nore to the market. Instead, she visited Aveline in the Viscounts Keep. The Guard Captain had just a meeting with some of her guardians and send them away once she caught a glimpse at Hawkes face.

Closing the door to her office, the red haired woman asked: "What is it?"

"Aveline, when did you know that you... like Donnic?" Hawke bursted out, not caring what the other woman might think. Aveline was her only real female friend. She also liked Merrill - and Isabela, at least in some way - but Aveline and she were cut from the same cloth: Honest, tomboyish and blunt.

The Guard Captains' eyebrow raised while she answered: "So you have finally realized that you like Fenris more than a friend?"

"How did you know?"

The other woman laughed. "Because I know YOU, Hawke."

Desperate, she sat down on the chair behind Avelines desk. "What now? I asked him this morning if this thing between the two of them is serious and he said no... And I believe him. But why is he than even getting into bed with her...?" Looking at Aveline again, she saw ther friend raise another eyebrow and added grumpily: "Alright, I get id: Her skin, her breasts, her whole gorgeous "I am a free and passionate pirate" aura..."

"Exactely", Aveline answered dryly. "And don't forget her "I am a whore" outfit..."

Snickering darkly, Hawke closed her fingers over her head. "I... should do something."

"Yes, you should."

"But how... what...?"

"Hawke, do you remember what you told me when you helped me with Donnic? That friends sometims push. I can do that for you now as well. And I will when you don't react quickly!"

"Is that a thread?"

Avelines smile became grim. "If you want it to be one..."

Hawke made a face and shook her head, than got up and started to stalk the room. "I cannot tell him. That's just not... me. I need to show him otherwise..." She got lost in thoughts for several long minutes and came to a final and abrupt decision. "I know what to do."

And with these words she left a speechless Aveline behind to go for a hunt.

After all you had to keep dowry traditions as a good Ferelden girl...

* * *

Fenris was unsettled. There was something wrong with Hawke, and the uncertainty what it was forbid him to find any rest. She was his friend, and so far she had always been honest and spoken with him about her concerns, even when he had not wanted to hear what she had to say. But now she was clearly hiding something from him.

When she had asked him this morning about Isabela, his heart had dropped for a moment and he had wondered if she was hinting jealousy. Than she had turned to him and met his gaze, and he had told himself what he fool he was. She did not see anything else in him than a man who had slowly turned into a confidant for her, and that only because of her patience and unshakable faith in him. Still he felt that she did not agree with the relationhip between Isabela and him, and a part of him wondered if he should continue seeing the pirate.

What they had was... exciting. Liberating. And from a purely physical point of view more than a bit satisfying.

But was it worth loosing Hawke?

No. Definitely not. On the other hand: He was a grown up man and could not spent the rest of his life alone. She had to accept when he took a lover, hadn't she? And after all Isabela was one of her companions...

Growling irritated, he stroked through his hair and did another round of training. Than he went to the market and was looking for Hawke, still feeling the need to talk to her and clarify what might have been left unspoken between them. She wasn't there, and his pride forbid him to go to her mansion. Why was he having a bad consience anyway? There was NO reason for it...

The rest of the day went by quietly. Most of the time he was wandering through his mansion and checked if it was still save, realizing only in the evening that it wasn't necessary anymore. Danarius was dead, been killed by his own hands, and he finally was a free man.

He wondered if he would ever really get used to it.

When he was sitting in front of his fireplace in the afternoon and heard the entrance door open and close again, he knew who was visiting him. Hawke had a certain way of walking who completely differed from Isabelas'. The rouge was moving silently while Hawkes steps were louder and determined, showing which strength was hidden in her small frame. He sometimes still wondered how she was able to hold and use her broadsword as easily and skilled as she did, an ability he had always secretely admired.

When she entered the room, he looked at her... and was immediately at his feed when he saw the scretches and bruises covering her body. Hurrying to her, he asked: "What happened?"

She made a face and laid something wrapped into a blanket on the bench in front of his fireplace. "Nothing. I just had to find out once again what a terrible huntress I am."

"Huntress?" He frowned. "Why have you been hunting? And why without me?"

His words led a small, somehow nervous smile appear on her lips. "Well... because I hunted something for you..."

Silence fell between them while he was staring at her, not knowing what to say or to think.

Her nervosity seemed to become even stronger. Avoiding his gaze, she knelt next to the blanket and unwrapped it, revealing the fur of one of the big bears living nearby the Wounded Coast. From the fresh smell it had been just recently cleaned with the help of special oils and salves and was now ready to be used, big enough to cover at least two bodies with it.

"I... don't understand...", he eventually said, kneeling next to her and touching it. "Maker, Hawke, he must have been immense... what have you been thinking going there alone?" His voice became angry, his concern for her a fueling fire inside of him.

Getting up again, she moved backwards and shrugged nervously. "Look, it's... a gift. I wanted to do this on my own. I know, it's quite... ordinary..."

He was again staring at her. Ordinary? There was NOTHING ordinary about this gift. It was the kind of gift a man would make a woman when he wanted to court her...

Realization hit him, and his eyes widened. She couldn't really mean...

"I just wanted to give it to you", she continued babbling. "So that you know how... much I care for you." As soon as she had finished the sentence, she blushed.

He was still to shocked to speak. Hope and disbelief was battling deep inside of him. No, he had to be mistaken...

"Well, I go now", she eventually ended, distress in her voice, and turned to leave.

He was on his feet before he knew what he was doing, grapped her arm and turned her around to him. Her big blue eyes were wide and her whole body tense.

"I... thank you, Hawke." His voice sounded even raspier than normally. "Would you grant me a wish?"

"Any", she whispered.

Maker, she had no idea how difficult it was for him to not wrap her into his arms and kiss her senseless. Had she even an idea how honored he was? How blessed? And how gorgeous she was, so vulnerable and insecure, showing him a side of her he had never been allowed to witness before?

"Will you visit me in the morning?" he finally managed to say and took her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "I need to... clarify something first..."

Her eyes widened, and the hope inside of them could not be mistaken for anything else. Smiling at her, he forced himself to let her walk away and than directly went to the Hanged Man, loooking for Isabela. Whe he saw the pirate standing at the bar, he grapped her arm and dragged her upstais, receiving a husky laugh. "Well, aren't we eager tonight..." She stopped when she reached for him and saw him avoiding her touch. For a long moment her hand stayed raised, than sank down slowly. "Hawke?"

He felt his eyes widen. "How do you know...?"

She laughed softly and touched his cheek. "Oh, Sweet Thing, all of us know. I just was tired of waiting for the two of you to make up you minds and decided being selfish again..."

He gulped, searching in her face for signs of disappointment. But there was just the gentle softness she had only allowed him to ever see.

"I am happy for you, Fenris", she said and smiled. "I mean: I enjoyed the time we had together and would lie if I would say that I won't miss it. But Hawke and you... well, let's just say that every journey comes to an end, and I am glad that yours has the same destination."

Relieve washed through him. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers, feeling her press one last kiss against his lips.

"Tell me: What did she do?"

He chuckled. "She gave me a dowry."

Isabelas eyes widened, than she laughed heartily. "Oh Maker... Hawke... Aveline and she really ARE one of a kind..."

He smiled. "Yes." Than he gently squeezed her hand, kissed her forehead and went back home, feeling a disquietness in his soul which had nothing to do with concern anymore, but only with anticipation.

He stopped when he entered the mansion and smelled Hawkes fine fraquance in the air. She hadn't smelled like this when she had been here earlier: At this time she had smelled like the warrior girl she was, of blood and leather. Now the scent of her soap filled the air, and his heart made a traiterous jump.

Slowly getting upstairs, he stopped in the entrance to his room and leaned into the doorframe, watching her while she was sitting at the fur in front of his fireplace and looked into the flames.

"I am sorry", she said without looking at him. "I couldn't wait till the morning. And for the case that you and her would have come back together, I would have taken the fur with me and burned it!" Now her voice sounded furious and stubborn and wild.

He smiled and slowly approached her. She still wasn't looking at him, but he knew that the slight blush on her face wasn't only coming from the heat of the fire.

Kneeling next to her, he took her chin between his fingers and gently turned her face to his'. Her breath was going quickly, as was his'.

"I am yours, Hawke", he said after a long moment of looking into her eyes. "I am sorry that I haven't been able to see it earlier... that I haven't found the courage to show you. I couldn't believe that you would... want me..."

Shaking her head, she took his face between her shaking hands. "You are such an idiot. But to make myself perfectly clear, Fenris: I am not interested in being "Friend with benefits"..."

His smile deepened. Slowly he was coming closer, brushed her lips with his' and felt her gasp. "Neither am I..."

And than he kissed her like he had wanted to kiss her hours ago.

There was nothing gentle about this kiss, instead it was all about passion and need. It surprised him how strong it was and that it seemed to be the same for her. Until this day they had not spoken one time about the possibility that they should be together, but now that he was holding her in his arms and pressing her body to his', it felt real and true and everything he had always been hoping for.

Pushing her onto the fur, he buried his hands in her long, chocolate brown hair and took her mouth in a raw, deep kiss. She moaned into it and grapped his shoulders, her touch firm and strong. When she wrapped her legs around his hips and brough her core against his', he felt how hard he already was and heard her gasp and move against him, kissing his chin and licking over the lyrium markings. They came aflame, and lust shot through his body.

Stopping immediately, she looked at him out of wide eyes. "Did I hurt you...?"

"No", he growled and kissed her again, quickly freeing her upper body out of the shirt she was wearing and removing her breast band.

Her breasts were small, firm peaks, and he filled his hands and his mouth with them, licking on her erect nipples and savoring the strangled sound she made when he carressed her. Rentlessly moving against him, she pulled on his shirt and he let go off her for as long as it took her to drag it over his head. Than he sucked on her breasts again and moved downwards, tasting every inch of her skin, feeling the muscles of her flat stomach quiver against his lips while he was removing her boots, trousers and underwear.

Looking into her wide, passion filled eyes, he spread he legs for him and put his mouth on her, eager to taste her and drive her crazy. A sharp cry escaped her lips, than her moans filled the room and her fingers grapped the fur and his hair. He licked her deeply and rentlessly, bringing her to a quick, intense peak. When it hit her, she cried out his name and dragged him back into her arms, quickly opening his trouser and guiding him inside of her.

The feeling of her hot, tight body was his undoing. With a low growl, he pounded into her, his strokes becoming stronger with every second, and took her mouth again. When he came, it was pure bliss and she moaned in his arms another time, her body still - or again - clenching around his'.

Shaking, he sank down on her, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. She pressed kisses to his forehead, his hair and his closed eyes and stroked again and again over his back. Even without looking at her he knew that she was smiling.

"Maker... Why haven't we done this before...?"

Chuckling, he carefully left her and lay down next to her. "Because we are both fools."

"Please only speak for yourself", she answered with a smirk and turned to him, pressing a kiss to his chest. "So let me guess: You like my gift?"

He chuckled again, feeling ridiculously happy, and closed his arms around her. "I do. Very much." Bending his face to hers', he added with a smile: "And the fur is also not so bad..."


End file.
